About “You Will Die Alone”

YWDA was founded in 1893 by a group of Canadian fur traders seeking refuge from an angry bear. They had stolen the bear’s favorite cardigan sweater (a sweater he only wore on days when he had important meetings) as they mistook it for a God.  The group holed up in a cave on the outer edge of Barton’s Shame, Utah during a bitterly cold 8 month blizzard and shared stories to keep warm.  When that didn’t work, they killed the fattest of the group (Spruce Ewell) and used his body as a make-shift wigwam.

After the blizzard, the group refused to leave the saftey of Ewell’s now decaying corpse, thinking that the storm’s exit was nothing more than an illusion created by Priss Dial.  They executed Dial as a witch* by forcing the pages from the only book they had, “God’s Favorite Hymns and Gut-Busters” by Houlihan O’Leary, down her throat.

In the summer of 1954, the cave was getting much too small for the now teeming inbred clony.  Warren “Calf Muscles” Own took it upon himself to lead the colony to Fench, Ohio where they took up making textiles and amateur pornography.  Own died 3 summers later trying to simultaneously work a loom and participate in an all male gang-bang.

The company named itself after the pioneers who helped create it and YouWillDieAlone.com was launched in January of 2008.

*It was later found that Dial was not a witch, however, her brain was riddled with syphilis and she was not a very stylish dresser.

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